


Of Pranks Gone Wrong

by Mistress_of_Squirrels



Series: Ataashi [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 10:17:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3764368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_of_Squirrels/pseuds/Mistress_of_Squirrels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sera recruits Ataashi for one of her pranks. Things do not go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Pranks Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> There is some sexual content, but it's really only hinted at, and included more for humor than anything. Also, there is one part that's kind of gross where Adaar is teasing Sera about eyes. So if you're at all squeamish, maybe avoid that.

Skyhold was quiter than usual, Inquisitor Adaar noted. The qunari scraped a layer of frost off the window and peered through the foggin glass as the abandoned courtyard below. A thick blanket of white covered the ground, several inches deep and growing deeper still as snow continued to fall in fat, wet flakes. The recent bout of bad weather had driven everyone indoors, and tempers were running short as people chafed at the forced confinement.

Ever the optimist, Adaar chose to look on the bright side of things. While being snowed in certainly wasn't ideal, it offered a sorely needed respite from the duties of running the Inquisition. The mountain pass had grown so treacherous that not even the most zealous pilgrim dared venture forth. Skyhold had not received any new visitors in nearly a week, offering Adaar several days of precious solitude, and she intended to take full advantage of every bit of it.

The inquisitor made her way through the keep at a leisurely pace, ignoring the various complaints about the weather. It might indeed be miserable outside, but Adaar had no plans of going out. Days like this were perfect for staying in, and her goals for the day aimed no higher than curling up in front of the huge fireplace in her quarters with a good book. Her first order of business then, was finding something to read. A trip to one of the libraries was in order.

Knowing if she went upstairs, she'd just spend all her time chatting with Dorian, Adaar chose the lower library. She loved the mage, dearly, but right now she desperately needed some time to herself.

The lower levels of the fortress were colder than the main floor. Most of the rooms down here were dusty from disuse, cobwebs draped along the corners. There was the occasional patrolling guard, or perhaps a servant on his way to the kitchens, but few others came to this part of Skyhold. It was one of the few places the inquisitor could count on not being disturbed. So discovering that someone had been in the old library recently came as a bit of a surprise.

The qunari woman looked around the small chamber in puzzlement, wrinkling her nose at stirred motes of dust that had not yet had time to settle. She'd thought that Solas or Dorian might have been the library's mysterious visitor, but that notion was discarded the moment she noticed a few musty tomes, still lying open where they'd fallen to the floor, their pages bent beneath them. Neither man would treat books so carelessly.

Adaar carefully brushed the books off, inspecting the spines and covers for damage before returning them to their empty places. It was then she realized that the old ladder used to reach the highest shelves was missing. She'd never used it herself - height certainly had its advantages – but had left it alone for anyone else that might have need of it. Odd that it was now gone.

Curiosity piqued, the inquisitor abandoned her search for reading material and left the library, sharp eyes alert for anthing amiss. She grimaced, half expecting that odd little man that lurked about the keep to spring out and start pestering her with his inane questions and wind noises.

Adaar stopped, brows furrowed in confusion, as she saw the ladder, laying on its side as though it had toppled over near the door to the kitchens. Well, that explained where that had went. It did not explain the bucket of blue paint, also on its side, and spilling into a sticky puddle around the ladder. She was certain there had been no plans for painting, and that even if such plans did exist, there was no reason to begin here of all places.

Something about the scene stood out to her. The ladder, the bucket, - both conveniently near the door. Adaar had not only seen something similar before, she'd taken part in setting it up, under the direction of a certain elf. This had Sera's name all over it.

With a deep sigh, Adaar began making mental preparations to smooth things over with whoever had been caught in Sera's latest prank. She didn't mind the girl's antics, exactly. Sera had a point when she claimed people needed to lighten up on occasion. The problem was that the elf lacked any sort of discretion, and a harmless joke could escalate into a political nightmare when played on the wrong person. Considering the archer's favored targets, it might be best to attempt to diffuse the situation sooner rather than later.

Another splash of blue caught the qunari's eye just as she was turning to find Josephine, and Adaar leaned down for a closer look. A series of small, perfectly defined pawprints led away from the mess down the length of the hall before abruptly turning, circling around themselves in a haphazard manner, and taking off in an entirely different direction. Ataashi. Sera had an accomplice, and Adaar had the sinking feeling that her last hope of a quiet day in front of the fire had fled in the same direction as her errant hound.

Despite years of tracking experience, it took some time to make sense of the chaotic route the pup had taken. The prints faded as the paint dried, and from the look of them, the puppy had no clear destination in mind when he took off. It was really only luck that led her to the wine cellar, and the sound of Sera's indignant voice from within that told her she'd found them.

“I told Bull she'd be a bad influence,” Adaar muttered beneath her breath. Taking care to be as quiet as possible, the qunari pushed the door to the cellar open and froze, caught in an awkward mix of horror and musement at the sight before her.

A bedraggled Sera, clothes soaked and spattered with paint, was wrestling with Ataashi in a vain attempt to get the puppy into a tub that had been made out of an empty barrel. The mabari, Adaar noted in shock, was now a lovely shade of blue.

“C'mon you silly mutt!” Sera grunted, unaware of her audience. “You don't want Miss High and Glowy to see you like this, do you? Just get into the tub, and it'll be all good, right?”

Ataashi managed to squirm free of the elf's grasp and after trotting a safe distance away, paused to scratch at one ear, seemingly unconcerned with his new appearance. Flakes of dried paint rose in a fine dust around his head, and the mabari sneezed.

Sera saw an opportunity and leapt at the pup. It was at that moment Ataashi noticed his mistress standing in the doorway and ran over to greet her, leaving Sera grabbing at nothing and sending the elf sprawling into the tub and a wave of water cascading across the floor.

“Alright, you little bastard!” Sera yelled in fury as she pushed herself up. “Now you've... Oh, piss. It's _you_.”

Adaar leaned againt the door frame, raising an eyebrow at the smaller woman as she fought back a grin at her dishevled state. “Hello to you, too, Sera. Care to explain what's happened here?”

The elf gave a nonchalant shrug. “Well, what's it look like? I was trying to give the mu- mabari a bath.”

Adaar nodded. “Yes, I can see that. The question is, why?”

“'Cause he's blue?”

The qunari sighed, closing her eyes as she searched for patience. “Why don't we just skip to the part where you tell me who you were trying to prank, and how my dog got involved?”

“Wasn't a noble or nothin', so you can stop lookin' at me like that.”

“I didn't say it was.” Adaar ignored Sera's sullen tone. There was only one exit, and she happened to be blocking it. She had no intention of moving, either, until the elf answered her questions. Fortunately, Sera did not possess the same level of patience.

“Sod it all!” the elf groaned after a few moments, throwing her hands up in frustration. “Fine. It was Cole, yeah? But your mutt had to go and muck it all up.”

“He has a name, you know,” Adaar chided, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah,” the elf snorted. “But I don't speak Qun-whatever. And since this is all his fault, I don't care what his name is.”

“How exactly is this _his_ fault?” Annoyance faded as Adaar's curiosity got the better of her. There was humor in the situation, even if it was just another mess she'd have to clean up. Might as well get what she could out of it. “Maybe start from the top?”

Sera rolled her eyes, plucking at the sodden fabric of her tunic, but complied. Adaar suspected it was more the elf's discomfort and a desire to speed things along than any real sense of cooperation, but as long as she got her anweres, she didn't care what motivated them.

“Right. So Cole keeps doing that... _thing_. Gettin' in my head, goin' places he doesn't belong. It's creepy!”

Adaar nodded in encouragment, hiding her pleasure when Sera used the proper pronoun to refer to Cole. The elf would probably never harbor anything but fear and disdain for the spirit, but acknowledging him as the person he tried so hard to be was a huge step.

“Told him I'd shaft him if he kept at it, but I can't really do that, can I?” Sera's eyes narrowed as she gave the inquisitor a scathing glare. “Some people like walking around with almost- human demon things. So when you think about it, this is your fault, too.”

_So much for progress_ , Adaar lamented, almost missing Sera's accusation. “Excuse me? My fault?”

“Your fault.”

“I don't want you to stab Cole in the eye, so somehow this -” she waved a hand in a gesture that managed to encompass the disaster around them. “This is somehow _my_ fault?” Adaar reeled in disbelief, not at Sera's convoluted logic, but at the fact that she was still surprised by it.

The other woman nodded, the uneven ends of her cropped hair bouncing against her cheeks in emphasis. “Damn right. And the dog.”

“Ah, the dog. You never did explain his role in all of this.”

“Well, he was supposed to be the lookout,” Sera replied, turning her scowl on the puppy.

Ataashi sniffed at a murky puddle, ignoring the entire exchange.

“Piss poor one, too,” the elf added. “One of the kitchen cats came by and he tore off after it, the loony. Ran straight into the ladder and knocked me on my arse. So like I said, your dog, your mess.”

Sera's expression was triumphant, as if that explanation was all the proof she needed to make her case. Adaar supposed it was, as far as the elf was concerned. The qunari stepped aside and made an irritated shooing motion toward the door. “Yes, it's all very clear to me now. I should have just let you go about stabbing anyone who displeases you. Although...” The inquisitor cocked her head, expression thoughtful.

“What?” Sera asked, immediately suspicious.

“Nothing,” Adaar shrugged. “I only thought someone as squeamish as you would want to go for something less...messy than the eye. You have a stronger stomach than I thought. I mean, there's all that screaming, and then you have the blood and other viscous fluids. It's like - have you ever popped a grape? One of those big juicy ones that makes that splat noise when you do it? It's rather like that. I didn't think you'd be able to handle it, honestly. You're growing as a person. Good for you!”

Sera's face took on a greenish hue as her features twisted in revulsion. “...Eeew! That's...that's..you're as daft as your dog!” she spat in disgust. “Ugh!”

The elf turned on her heel and stalked out. Adaar could hear her spouting detailed suggestions on what the inquisitor might do with various parts of her anatomy, both vulgar and likely impossible, all the way up until a door slammed shut.

Adaar smiled as she savored her bit of revenge, though it was short-lived. It would take hours to clean all the paint smeared on the floor and walls. She heaved a weary sigh. Sera was right, in a way; this was her mess now. The elf certainly wasn't going to clean up after herself, and Adaar would never further burden the servants with something of this magnitude. That left her and whatever help she could get from the other responsible party. The party in question was no longer in immediate sight, and she rolled her eyes when she finally found him. Ataashi was slinking toward the shadowed hall, quiet as any cat.

“And just where do you think you're going?” Adaar called, tone sharp with annoyance.

The puppy froze, one front paw still raised in midstep. His pointed ears drooped as he lowered his head, and seemed to curl in on himself, the very picture of canine guilt.

“Sneaking away from responsibility, are we?”

The little mabari squirmed, scratching at his stiff, matted fur. A pleading whine came from his throat as he glanced pointedly toward the stairs.

“I suppose that would be rather uncomfortable,” Adaar conceded. “Was going after the cook's cat really worth all this?”

Ataashi gave a low growl that carried a rather impressive rumble considering the pup's size, and finished with an affirmative bark.

Adaar opened her mouth to warn the dog against picking fights he wasn't ready for when another voice spoke from somewhere to her left.

“He doesn't like the cat. Hissing, haughty. The rat wasn't his to take. I don't think the cat likes him, either.”

The qunari jumped at the unexpected addition and muttered a curse beneath her breath. “I'm going to put a bell on you, Cole!”

The boy frowned in confusion. “If you do that, everyone will hear me. I won't be much help when we fight.”

Adaar pinched the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger as she drew a deep, calming breath. “I know that, Cole. It's just a saying. I only meant that you startled me. Did you need something?”

Cole knelt in front of the puppy and held out a hand. Ataashi wriggled in delight, bumping his head into the proffered hand. The spirit turned boy might have had a difficult time getting some of the others in the Inquisition to accept him and his odd behavior, but the pup shared none of their reservations. He'd warmed to the spirit from the beginning and the two were fast friends.

The boy cocked his head as though listening. “He doesn't want you to be angry with him.”

Adaar smiled fondly at the puppy, laughing as he raised himself as high as his short legs could manage in an effort to climb into Cole's lap. “I'm not mad at him. But this,” she made a vague gesture towards the puppy and continued, “Wasn't really what I had planned for today.”

His expression grave, Cole nodded. “Yes, I'm sorry. She did that because of me.”

The qunari blew out a breath that fluttered the loose strands of her hair, suddenly uncomfortable. “Yes. I'll talk to her, if you'd like. Maybe I can get her to stop.”

“No!” The boy's reply was so sudden and emphatic that the puppy gave a startled yelp and nearly tumbled to the floor.

Adaar ran a soothing hand along his flank to settle him and turned a questioning gaze on Cole. “You want her to keep pulling pranks on you?”

Cole tilted his head as he peered up at her from beneath the long fringe of his hair, lips lifting in the ghost of a smile. “Thank you. You want to protect, but you don't need to. She teases the others, testing, trying, because their fear makes hers real. _They_ are real. And now, I am, too.”

Adaar almost objected, nearly loosed the argument poised on the tip of her tongue, but paused as understanding dawned. “You're saying you're just like everyone else to her?”

“Yes. She doesn't like me very much, and I still scare her, but I'm a person now.”

Well. Maybe they were back on the road to progress after all.

“Alright, Cole. I won't say anything to her.”

“Thank you.”

“Now, I need to get this cleaned up. And you,” she pointed a stern finger at Ataashi. “Are going to get a bath.”

The puppy slumped, his black eyes wary.

“I can help,” Cole offered.

Ataasi cocked his head in consideration and then straightened, his short tail beginning a slow wag.

“He'll let me,” the spirit confirmed. “But only because the paint itches and makes his fur too tight.”

Adaar nodded her agreement with that arrangement. “Thank you, Cole. That would be a big help.”

With one problem solved, Adaar turned her attention to the rest of the mess. Without needing to bathe the dog herself, it was possible she'd be able to finish up down here and salvage what was left of the day. Relaxing in front of the fireplace was even more appealing now, but she made a few adjustments to her previous plans to include a certain qunari. What was that phrase she'd heard those nobles giggling over? She knew enough Orlesian to translate, but she gathered there was another element to the words that she was missing. Something dirty. Maybe Bull knew.

“ _Soixante-neuf_ ,” Cole supplied helpfully. “Numbers, but not counting. The Iron Bull knows what it means.”

Heat suffused her face, and Adaar found she was caught between mortification and the absurd urge to snicker like a twelve year old. “I bet he does,” was the strangled reply. She coughed to clear her throat and made a second attempt at speech. “Cole, after his bath, why don't you take Ataashi to meet Margeurite?”

The spirit thought a moment and then his eyes took on that faraway look that signalled he was lost in another's thoughts. “Angry words turned loving in letters to home as gold coins turn candy into pearls.” His eyes cleared and he nodded happily. “Marguerite likes dogs.”

Adaar smiled and gave Cole's shoulder an affectionate squeeze. “Then I think you ought to introduce them.”

“You'll like her,” Cole promised as he started towards the stairs, Ataashi trotting after him. “She's very kind.”

The inquisitor watched them go. When they were out of sight, she leaned back against the wall, one hand pressed to her mouth to muffle her peals of helpless laughter. Oh, Bull was going to love hearing about this. His teasing would be merciless, but worth it in the end, especially if she learned something knew from all of this.

When she had herself under control, Adaar pushed away from the wall and set off in search of what she needed to get started with the cleaning, the task not quite as bothersome as it had seemed earlier. All it took was the proper motivation.


End file.
